marriage Tag

  • All
  • Ask Vicki
  • Five Element Recipes

“I’m writing about my older sister. We always did things together, but ever since she married a few years ago, she doesn’t have time for me. We still live in the same town, but now she’s “too busy” to go to the park or even meet for coffee outdoors.”...

“I’m very worried about my daughter and hope you can help. Karen is an attorney in her late 20s who is married to another attorney named Tom. Given she’s in corporate law and he’s a trial attorney, the only time they seem to spend together is when they work from home on the weekends. They live in an absolutely sterile apartment and eat take-out most nights. What can I do to help these two get a life outside of work?”...

“A few weeks ago, my husband James and I arranged childcare for our three children so we could enjoy a romantic dinner out. While we were holding hands in our romantic booth, my cell rang. Worried it might be the babysitter, I checked the number and saw that it was a coworker. Thinking something might be wrong, I picked up the call. This didn’t go over well with James. He said this was our personal time and I should have ignored the call once I knew it wasn’t the sitter. Who’s right?”...

Dear Vicki: This may seem like an odd relationship question, but I need help ending a relationship. Eight years ago, I divorced after five years of marriage. It was a difficult time for me so I didn’t date for several years. Two years ago I started dating a nice fellow named Chuck. It’s been fun – we certainly laugh and go out a lot – but lately he’s started hinting at marriage. I care about Chuck, but he isn’t really someone I want to be with the rest of my life. He shifts from fun Fire energy to dour Metal too often; it’s like he’s two different people, which makes me tired, so I need to end things. I’d rather find a Wood personality, someone more like myself, to settle with but I don't want to hurt Chuck’s feelings. Is there a way the Five Elements can help make it easier to tell him we’re through? Signed: Sensitive in Seattle Dear Sensitive: It is very kind of you to seek out a good way to tell Chuck you aren't interested in a marriage relationship with him. And since you’ve already ended a more permanent relationship once, it is wise of you to be cautious regarding entering into another one. The short answer to your questions is that yes, you absolutely can use an understanding of the Five Elements to help you end your relationship with Chuck on a good note. But first, let’s take a quick look at why it’s not surprising that your relationship with Chuck isn’t something you want to make permanent. Chuck’s Fire relates to your Wood on the Nurturing Cycle, which can be a good thing for a relationship. However, it’s your Wood that feeds his Fire, and that’s the reason the relationship can feel tiring for you. Too much Fire will drain your Wood energy. And if Chuck’s secondary is Metal, it relates to your Wood on the Controlling Cycle, so will feel stifling to you. Honestly, it’s surprising you lasted with Chuck for two years, but I suspect the reason you did was because you have a secondary Earth. I say this because it’s really hard for Earths to end relationships. Plus, an Earth would seek out a nice way to do it when necessary. Also, a Fire/Metal person like Chuck could be a very comfortable match for an Earth: Both his primary and secondary elements relate to Earth on the Nurturing Cycle. That means Chuck’s Fire would feed your Earth and then your Earth would feed his Metal. And since Earths love to be needed, Earth feeding Metal usually isn’t nearly as draining as Wood feeding Fire. But it’s clearly your primary Wood that’s driving the need to break up with Chuck and there are specific ways the Five Elements can help you when you do. As a primary Fire, Chuck cares about having fun with people he enjoys. It would have been his Fire that wanted to date you and spend time with you. But it’s...

“I’m writing about my older sister. There’s only three years between us and we used to be really close. But ever since she married Frank earlier this year, she doesn’t seem to have time for me. We still live in the same town, but now she’s “too busy” to go shopping or even meet for coffee. What can I do to get her back? I feel like I’ve lost her.”...