Dear Vicki: This may seem like an odd relationship question, but I need help ending a relationship. Eight years ago, I divorced after five years of marriage. It was a difficult time for me so I didn’t date for several years. Two years ago I started dating a nice fellow named Chuck. It’s been fun – we certainly laugh and go out a lot – but lately he’s started hinting at marriage. I care about Chuck, but he isn’t really someone I want to be with the rest of my life. He shifts from fun Fire energy to dour Metal too often; it’s like he’s two different people, which makes me tired, so I need to end things. I’d rather find a Wood personality, someone more like myself, to settle with but I don't want to hurt Chuck’s feelings. Is there a way the Five Elements can help make it easier to tell him we’re through? Signed: Sensitive in Seattle
Dear Sensitive: It is very kind of you to seek out a good way to tell Chuck you aren't interested in a marriage relationship with him. And since you’ve already ended a more permanent relationship once, it is wise of you to be cautious regarding entering into another one. The short answer to your questions is that yes, you absolutely can use an understanding of the Five Elements to help you end your relationship with Chuck on a good note. But first, let’s take a quick look at why it’s not surprising that your relationship with Chuck isn’t something you want to make permanent.
Chuck’s Fire relates to your Wood on the Nurturing Cycle, which can be a good thing for a relationship. However, it’s your Wood that feeds his Fire, and that’s the reason the relationship can feel tiring for you. Too much Fire will drain your Wood energy. And if Chuck’s secondary is Metal, it relates to your Wood on the Controlling Cycle, so will feel stifling to you. Honestly, it’s surprising you lasted with Chuck for two years, but I suspect the reason you did was because you have a secondary Earth.
I say this because it’s really hard for Earths to end relationships. Plus, an Earth would seek out a nice way to do it when necessary. Also, a Fire/Metal person like Chuck could be a very comfortable match for an Earth: Both his primary and secondary elements relate to Earth on the Nurturing Cycle. That means Chuck’s Fire would feed your Earth and then your Earth would feed his Metal. And since Earths love to be needed, Earth feeding Metal usually isn’t nearly as draining as Wood feeding Fire. But it’s clearly your primary Wood that’s driving the need to break up with Chuck and there are specific ways the Five Elements can help you when you do.
As a primary Fire, Chuck cares about having fun with people he enjoys. It would have been his Fire that wanted to date you and spend time with you. But it’s...
24 August, 2017