relationships Tag

  • All
  • Ask Vicki
  • Five Element Recipes

“During the pandemic, many of my friends are socializing day and night on Zoom, and sometimes even in person, but I just don’t feel like it, even though I know it would be good for me. How can I convince myself to be more social?”...

There is no doubt that the concerns associated with COVID-19 have thrust most of us into a state of prolonged stress. When added to whatever stress we were experiencing in our individual lives prior to the pandemic, we are likely experiencing significant imbalance in our energies. But we have choices in how we address this stress, and the Five Elements model offers us informed options....

Dear Vicki: I appreciate the Five Elements model and regularly read your blog even though I’m not good at relationships. I long for a deep connection with another human being, but most of my relationships end up disasters. As a Water, I sometimes find that the person I am dating completely overwhelms me. I feel like I am drowning in them, which scares me, and I have to leave. Other times, I think I am in love, but then become fearful that they will leave me. You have said here that Water people are loners, and I do need alone time, but what if I don't want to be alone all the time anymore? Can I find love without losing myself? Signed Lonely in Lancaster Dear Lonely: It is absolutely possible for Waters to have deep and lasting relationships without losing themselves. But a relationship for a Water will look different than a relationship for an Earth, Fire, Wood, or Metal. What’s most important is that you understand your own needs when in relationship. Then, when you’re considering a relationship with someone, make a good guess regarding their element and be sure you understand what they’re going to need, too. You’ve done a great job articulating some of what Waters face when in relationship. You do want profound connections and you do need time alone. If you are out of balance, you will become fearful. Without boundaries, in nature water will flow everywhere, which can feel like being lost. But there is every reason to believe that you, as a Water, can find love and happiness in a relationship. Let’s consider how. Oftentimes, a balanced Water will do well in a relationship with another balanced Water because they have the same general priorities and can understand each other’s needs. A relationship between two Waters will feel very "flowy" and certainly profound. There will be deep discussions, time together quietly reading, long walks together under starry skies, and yes, plenty of time alone. The challenge with a Water/Water relationship will be the lack of movement often found in a relationship on the Nurturing or Controlling Cycle. And with so much “go with the flow” energy, it might be difficult getting things done. Waters also do well in relationship with Earths because both seek deep connections, although what “deep connection” means to Water and Earth is often different. Earths usually want deep connections with the people in their lives. Waters usually want connections with deep truths and a sense of their inner self. Also, Waters will usually want more alone time than Earths. That said, Water and Earth relate on the Controlling Cycle, which means that a balanced Earth can be the best element at helping Waters create boundaries. The natural container for water is the earth of a riverbank or lakebed. It’s the gentlest expression of control found on the Controlling Cycle, too: Earth directs Water, it does not decrease it. However, an out of balance Earth may need too much time together and become clingy,...