The Five Elements & Relationships

Do you instantly like some people, yet dislike others just as quickly? 

Do you and your partner argue over the stupidest things? 

Does your new sister-in-law drive you up a wall without even opening her mouth? 

Are your children little angels one minute and impossible the next? 

And how’s that over-controlling boss working out?

Relationships aren’t easy, are they? The good news is that we can get along better with everyone, whether friend, colleague, child, spouse, or neighbor by using the Five Elements!

Vicki Matthews has pioneered a way to use the Five Elements to improve our relationships. After over a decade of teaching classes on the topic (check out the DVD The Relationship Puzzle, available on this website) and using the model daily in her private practice, Vicki knows that understanding the Five Elements will help people get along better. In fact, based on our club membership, every relationship becomes a predictable dance. Through her work, Vicki is able to use the dynamics of the model to predict the highs and improve the lows of every connection we have.

The Clubs in Relationships

The reason our relationship highs and lows can be predicted using the Five Elements model is that, at its core, the model is associated with relationships. The Chinese used it to describe interactions between five phases found in the natural world: Water, Wood, Fire, Earth, and Metal. The relationships are represented by the big circle and the big star in the model to the left. Instead of phases, we’ll be using the model to describe relationship dynamics between our clubs.

In the model, the two basic interactions between the clubs are the big circle, called the Nurturing Cycle, or and the big star, called the Controlling Cycle. This means that all relationships will be either slightly nurturing or controlling. For example, Water and Wood relate to each other via the Nurturing Cycle (the big circle). That means if Laura belongs to the Wood Club and her friend Debbie belongs to the Water Club, they should have a tendency to relate in ways that feel nurturing. Conversely, Wood and Metal relate to each other via the Controlling Cycle. If Laura’s husband belongs to the Metal Club, the two of them will relate in ways that involve control, which can be a good thing.

Once we know our club membership and the club memberships of the people in our lives, we begin to understand why people act the way they do around us and why it affects us as it does. And more importantly, we can start changing the undesirable aspects of our relationships so we can all get along better.

For examples of how the Five Elements model can be used to help people and their relationships, click here to read Ask Vicki, a weekly blog that addresses specific relationship issues.

Click here to read about the Five Elements model.

Click here to read how to determine which element you are.


We hope you’ll follow the blog Ask Vicki: Relationship Remedies Using the Five Elements and learn how easy it is to improve every relationship. The blog covers general relationship challenges and also responds to questions posed by readers who wonder how to manage a relationship that isn’t going well. It’s kind of a “Dear Abby” of Five Elements relationships. If you have a question about your element club or a relationship issue that you’d like answered in the blog, please email it to: Our goal is to make every connection more peaceful and fulfilling.

Need a Speaker? Book Vicki to Teach at Your Conference or Event!